Thoughts on Mothers Day

Since 1997 Sandra and I have taught the NAMI Family-to-Family Education Program to over 500 Montanans. During those classes I have come to the conclusion that having a serious mental illness in the family is an extreme burden to families, especially mother's. "In mental illness, our grown children regress to an earlier, desperately frightening stage of need. Mothers hastily adopt the old mode of mothering; all the care taking alarms go off when their child fails to thrive. This is why mothers have a hard time pulling out of the care-taking role. Because they have to keep themselves together and protect, they cannot risk letting down into grief: and to mothers, letting go of grief often fells like they are abandoning their own flesh and blood."

Several days ago I received a message from a Montana NAMI Mommy. We all may realize how difficult and traumatic it must be to live with a serious mental illness. The effects of serious mental illness are devastating and traumatic to the individual living with a mental illness. The stigma, discrimination and the isolation of being treated as a second class citizen is life altering. Many "normals" do not understand this same stigma and discrimination extends to the families of the mentally ill.

I've attached this NAMI Mommy's message to heighten that understanding:

Sandy, I have been thinking of you & Gary earlier tonight...our daughter stopped over and though she is feeling somewhat better on her new meds , after being recently hospitalized for about a week. and is now SLEEPING at night.

She struggles with portioning her day, & sometimes is looking groggy. I'm glad she doesn't drink, because it looks like it! Earlier this evening, she went for a coke with a girl friend, & sometimes it's REALLY hard not to compare her life, with her friend's, who is successful, makes $80K or more a year at her regular job. Lost 80# so far, is training for a marathon, & says life is so good.

I know my daughter and her husband have a very thin financial thread. To try to make ends meet until the end of the month, especially since both of them are on SSI. She's having a heck of a time losing any weight at all, & it's all she can do to stay ALIVE. And stay WELL, & be somewhat optimistic...I guess regular people have no idea what persons with "mental problems" endure, unless they have had it in their own family. WE family members also suffer right along with our "person."

I'm reading "Stop Walking On Eggshells" now, book and workbook which has been recommended to me. What a MAJOR task for me to try to Mind my Own business, and not obsess over her. Or even buy them all their groceries, and CLOTHES. It's hard to find clothes to FIT her now as she's 5X...

Anyway, thanks again to you & Gary for ALL YOUR NAMI WORK, and that I was blessed to be in your classes. Little did I know that I'd have to learn and RE-learn those lessons, that would be coming up, & re-occurring again and again...

So, on Mother's Day, to all of you NAMI Mommies: Never give up and NEVER, NEVER, EVER give up HOPE!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!!!! YOU ARE ALL THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!

Gary Mihelish